So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Two words: blizzard sex
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
