yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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