I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
