i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
