she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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