you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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