She is in my trunk
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
