i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize