He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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