It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
be right there i have to get my cape
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
