....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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