yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
