Your tits are I can't wait for
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
