I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
