She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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