Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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