My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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