I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
