Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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