WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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