Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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