you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Randomize
