Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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