is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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