Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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