careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
