my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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