I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
honey bunches of taint.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
