The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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