I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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