He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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