I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize