I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
