I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
