you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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