oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
