What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
