dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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