Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she peed on how many people?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
