Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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