I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
