I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
