New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
