he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
ugly people sure do ruin things
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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