So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
