I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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