It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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