im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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