Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
