cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
