I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
