I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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