i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
