Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
