had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
