I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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