i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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