ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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