is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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