My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
