I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
