I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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