Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
