holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
