Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
3 2 1 whiskey
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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