my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
