There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
