apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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