Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
