I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
