I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
