Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
